Welcome to the world

Oh Baby Tristan is here。。。It's cousin Geraldine's little baby. He come to this world earlier than expected.

Good Bye My dear friend

Received a sms from Yue yun number this afternoon. At the very frst tot, i was thinking, "pls lah, dnt play such joke with me" Later I found out that it was send by Yue yun's sister.

Yueyun has gone to another world this morning. The news is shocking....

这世界真的很不公平。象月云那么可爱又有爱心的人为和走的那么早？

oh no not again!!

This is the second time i dreamt. thou diff dreams but the ending is still the same. I dreamt of him again. damn shit!!

Last night i dreamt of him coming back to singapore.
Here the dream goes...

"I bump onto him in someone's office. This someone is one of my client (which i dont know who) and it happened to be his friend. When he saw me he didnt say much just smile at me only. I then learnt from this someone that he actually come back to singapore and settle down and help out in their company. A few days later, i went to that office hiding behind the pillar wanting to peek on him. I saw him holding a women hand walking towards the office. I waited for him and pretend to bump into him. He didnt explain who is that women just tell me to forget about him"


Thats the whole dream. I am afraid. I afraid the dreamt might come thru. Everyday I have been praying that he faster come back and bring to where ever place he is going.

Shit!!! Pls dont come true. Pls. Otherwise i think i wont be able to take it and will gone crazy.

walking on the lonely street

Again after work i didnt go straight home. I alight at Orchard Station, walk and walk and walk al the way to suntec city and sit down on the brunch outside tower 3 all alone. I enjoy sitting there, staring into the empty space thinking of "him".

Good Luck Rylyn

There is a opening in my company for export personnel. I introduce Rylyn to the post. She came for interview this morning. I dont know whether i made the right choice by introducing her to join the company. Even I myself dont feel like staying in the company for long how the hell i introduce someone to it. I begin to feel of the people in the office. I find them such a hypocrite, especially Amanda and Jennifer. Nearly started an arguement with Amanda the other day. I find her very selfish. When she was damn busy, she push her work to me claiming that it belong to me from that very moment. But this whole week turn out to be a very quiet week, so she intend to take back some of the work that she passed me months ago. This indeed very selfish of her. Just because she has nothing to do then she snatch my work just to show the boss that she is busy. Just to protect her own rice bowl. Then what abt me? Now I left nothing much to do. Nevermind, dont she pass it back to me again. If she going to pass it back to me again, I sure suan her to dead. I not going to care anymore whether she likes me or dislikes me.

Well, I am still pondering on the question whether to stay on in the company or leave the company and work some where else.

Should leave my fate with Rylyn's today interview? Which mean if she get the job, I will stay on, and if she dont get it, I will venture else where.

Auntie and grandma came my house today. Didnt chat much with them, basically i am too tired to talk to anyone. I went straight to bed not long after they arrived. I slept all the way till 30 minutes ago before i woke up and bath.

~Year 2006~

Year 2006 suckz for me. It has not been good from the begining to the end. To sum up what have I done for the year 2006, basically I did nothing great, nothing useful the whole year.

Jan - jobless, fully self employed
Feb - JK wanted to break free from the business
Mar - Company no business, coz JK "steal" away all the customer
Apr - Cannot stand anymore, closed down the company. Then Mum was admited hospital.
May - Jun - jobless. Bascially do nothing at home. Only play game, eat and sleep and spend away all my money.
Jul - notice no more money then start go back to workforce. Waking up everyday for work is a torture to me.
Jul - Nov - dont know what the hell i have been doing. join one company, quit one company. Never stay more than 3 months in the same company. Going to work is still a torture to me.
Nov-dec - slightly better after change a new company. at least i dont feel going to work is a torture. but instead, i "snatch" everyone work to torture myself. at least, I keep myself occupied, I wont think of JK's betrayal,I wont think of the feeling when i close my company. Mostly importantly, I wont think of "him".

Fantestic Jocelyn... Well Done... Jocelyn u have wasted the whole of 2006 doing nothing except building casstle in the air.

Time to wake up Jocelyn.. 2007 will be better..

~Weekends~

Weekends aren't like school days anymore;
when we gather with classmates doing "projects".


Weekends become a little headache to me;
So many things to do yet nothing I want to do.
So many plans yet none seems interesting.

Tell me, Saturday night, do you have plans for me?

Kiwi fruit's secret!

Have you ever cut a kiwi fruit into half and take a close look at it?
how does it look like? anything interesting?

here is how it look like.

After u click on the link and see how it look like, leave your comment in my blog and tell me how it look like ya...

hahahaha...

i am sick..

I am down with flu and fever. :( I have been sleeping from yesterday morning till now but my body still feel so week.

Happy Birthday Ken

Happy Birthday to Ken. Haiz dont know which year then can say these words to you personally. How are over at USA? Is everything ok? U have left for more than a month but still no news from your side. Have you settle down in USA already? Do you know I worried for you? No matter what, hope u faster contact me.

Mother nature knows best

Once again, the National Geographic Channel wins hands down in the useless-things-you-never-knew-but-now-that-you-know-isn't-that-just-so-cool category of things to watch on TV.

I've always thought hyenas were ugly, and today I found out that female hyenas have reproductive organs that look strangely like male reproductive organs. And that's not all the useless trivia I learnt today. Apart from having a "penis" and "balls", the female hyena even gives birth through her pseudopenis.

Reminds me of the movie where Arnold Schwarzenegger gets pregnant. I can just imagine the fun they would have had filming it if males were to give birth through their penises. And the number of men clutching their crotches at the thought.

the haze is killing me

The PSI show on the top left hand corner of the tv now is 140. The haze is irritating me alot, on the eyes, and my respiratory system. to make matter worse, the sinus problem got worse with the aid of this haze. I am sneezing and breathing difficulty and having an irritates throat the whole day. I can't help but procrastinate the fact that the haze is killing me softly.

lifeless

Ken left Singapore to USA on last friday midnight and today is only thursday. OMG its just less than a week he left. Why is the time passing so slow? To pass every single day is like passing a year like that. Its just merely a few days and i am feeling like its dont know how many months already. I miss him so much.

Ken I miss you. When are u coming back?? I am waiting for u...

not again...

I got a sm from an unknown number again this afternoon asking me how am i. I keep asking the sender who is he but only after a while then i got a respond saying "because of u i was inside for 1.5 years" i was stunt when i saw that. Dont tell me that is my one and only dear Ken?? And the next moment my mind drift back to 1 year ago when he promise to meet me but end up never call me or sms me anymore. At the time i was actually very worried abt him because i keep calling his friend number which he is temporatory using, but the phone was off. At that time i was still thinking "dont tell me he kena lock up" after i saw the message just now i confirm that the instint that i have one year ago was right. I nearly faint when this thots strike me. I am just a useless bum.

Alright back to the sms, i continue to ask who is he. the next message was "the guy who leves you" thunder + lightning...
So i keep asking.. "Are you Ken" again no more respond. then after a long while message came in from the same number again. Asking me alot of silly quentions like which ken u are looking for and things like that. then he say if i answer his questions then he tell me who is he.

he ask me whether i mind to have some new friends and whether do i have any bf or not. At that point of time i really dont feel answer coz its already tell me the number dont belong to Ken. but still i answer him, I dont know why.. maybe in my heart i still hoping that miracle will happened ba.

Then he finally he me he is Ken's friend. Huh?! not again... he use his friend number to message me again. nvm abt that anyway. So I keeping asking this-idiot-who-claims-that-his-name-is-kenneth-leonardo-foo where is ken, how he know ken, why ken use his number to message me, what have ken been doing all these years and blah blah...

then this idiot tell me he actually got the number from ken. well, i was quite angry at the moment. I am angry that ken give him my number.

anyway the conversation stop at 6 pm coz this idiot claims that his phone low batt cannot chat anymore.

I will find out more tomorrow...

A Broken Heart

We have all had our hearts broken at least once in our lives. There has been that one person that we have loved with all our heart and has not returned that love. When you wake up to that reality you feel like your world has shattered. You feel like you will never love that way again.That person is all you think of and becomes your world. It feels likeyou will never love that way again. You ask yourself why is this happening to me? Am I not good enough? What's wrong with me?

Then, as time goes by, you get the answers to your questions. You begin to realize that it all happened for a reason. You then realize that the person is not the one for you. The more you analyze the person you begin to see the differences. You realize that you don't know that person like you thought you did and they don't know you. Then comes the understanding that you deserve someone who will love, cherish, appreciate you and never take you for granted.

Once you reach this point, the pain of never having him starts to minimize. It becomes a learning experience. You learn more aboutyourself. You learn to recognize the qualities you do want in a person.You learn that you will love again and even stronger.

When two people love each other mutually and give to each other freely that love grows and matures. If it were not for the experience of our broken heart and those lessons we learned along the way we would not be the loving, understanding people we become.

All past hurts teach us and mold us in becoming better people which give us the tools to create successful relationships. If you are experiencing a broken heart just remember even though you have been hurt and disappointed love will come again just HOPE!

Where is he?

I have been msn-ing and sms-ing Gaby for the past two weeks but no respond from him. Then suddenly last night i receive a msn msg from him asking me to help him find people buy his rolex watch. when i ask him why so many day also never reply me, he tell me he is not in singapore. But i jusy read his blog, he is only away during the weekend. Shit!! he bluff me. Why he have to bluff me?

Your girl went missing? serve u right. from the start i already have a feeling that she dont love u truely. but what is her motive i dont know. Gaby, from her look, she is not the type of women for u. U can hate me for saying this, but u will realise one day.

Happy Teachers' Day!

I never really thanks any teacher form the bottom of my heart during my school days, neither did I after i graduate from schools. Now dont really have the chance anymore, most of the teachers are no longer teaching in those school that I used to attended, maybe some of them actually have left this world i guess.

Teachers don’t just teach. They mould characters. They play important roles in our early years. They are the primary reasons why we loved or hated going to school. Tomorrow is teachers' day, its not possible for me to visit everyone and say THANK YOU. Here is the whole list of teachers who I still remember, teachers who made an impact in my life, teachers who... whatever teachers u you, after so many years, u are still my teachers.

I dont know where u teachers are teaching or which part of the world u are now. If u have taught in the following schools during those years, you are those teachers that I am talking about and always wanted to thank all these years. Pei Hwa School ( 1988 to 1992), Hua Min Primary (1993), North View Secondary (1994 to 1998).

And... here the list go....

-Miss Chua ( form teacher of Pri 1B 1988 of Pei Hwa School)
Thank you for communicating with me in Chinese which made schooling life not so horrified to me for the first few weeks of school when English was still an alient language to me.

- Dong Lao Shi ( form teacher of Pri 2D 1989 of Pei Hwa School)
Never dare to forget to do her homework, if not she will made us wear a cardboard with the word "lan duo" (lazy in chinese) and walk around the school.

-Mr Lim (chinese teacher of Pri 4A 1991 of Pei Hwa School)
Never failed to taught us the correct chinese vocabulary

-Mdm Yap (Music teacher of Pei Hwa School)
Always hit our hand with her long ruler whenever we failed to memorise her notes

-Mr Yap (Chinese teacher of Pri 5D 1992 of Pei Hwa School)
Never look down on students in the last class. Even though we belong to the lousiest class but he never failed to teach us higher chinese too. To him every student is equal.

-Mr Tan (math teacher of Pri 6A1 also the math HOD 1993 of Hua Min Pri)
Never reprimand me when he found out that i forge my mum signature on the test paper, instead, he called my mum straight.

-Mr Ng (chinese teacher of Pri 6A1 1993 of Hua Min Pri)
Never failed to remind me that i dont perform up to my standard after he found out where i was from previously and who my chinese teachers was (who is also his friend)

-Mrs Ramesh aka Miss Anothny then (form teacher of Sec 1G 1994 and Home Econs 1994 to 1995 in North View Sec)
Made us realise that Cooking is not "dead", not only measuring scales can measure, we can always make use of what is around us.

-Mr Ramesh (the well known PE teacher in North View Secondary. also Mrs Ramesh's husband)
Always ask me is the doctor my friend whenever I took MC.

-Mr Ong (math teacher of Sec 1G 1994 & Sec 2F 1995, North view Sec)
Made me fall in love with maths when i always thought that maths make me mad when i was in Pri sch.

-Mr Koh choon chai (my sec one and two math tution teacher)
He had super power. Within the first six months i join his class, he able to pull me from failing my math during PSLE to scoring A1 in my sec one mid year exam.

-Ms Ang (history teacher of sec 1G 1994, North view Sec)
A very soft spoken lady, nobody can actually hear what she was talking in class including me who sit right in front of her.

-Mrs Rufus (Geog. teacher of sec 1G 1994, North view Sec)
made us draw the world map that look like one in the atlas when most of us dont even know what country is what country.

-Mrs Hilda Tong aka Miss Hilda Tan then (form teacher of sec 2F 1995, North view Sec)
the most pretty female teacher in school who never give up on me when i score 3/100 for my science paper during MYE

-Mr Kong (form teacher of sec 2F 1995, North view Sec)
He has a loud vocal, always ensure the whole class can hear what he is talking.

-Ms Keh (history teacher if sec 2F 1995, North View sec)
Always feel like sleeping during her lesson because i dont what she is teaching.

-Mr dont know what name (really cant recall his name and which year he taught me)
A english relief teacher. He force us to watch channel 5 news everyday and summarise the news to him the next day. He claim that this will improve our english standard. Hahaha... I of coz didnt watch and i still remember i crying in the class because he want me to stand outside the classroom for not watching the news.

-Mrs Muthi (form teacher of sec 3 05 1996, North View Sec)
She came from india, a very motherly teacher but too bad most of the time i dont know what she teaching actually because her indian accesen was very strong.

-Ms Tan Hsiao Ling (chinese teacher of sec 3 05 1996 North View Sec)
Still remember she insult me in front of the whole class because my spelling correction was wrong. suckz..

-Ms suzanna (History teacher of sec 3 05 1996 north view sec)
Always make us copy alot of notes during her lesson. But her notes all very useful, if u study her notes u sure pass the exam with flying colours.

-Mr Simon Foo (relief form teacher of sec 4 05 1997, North View sec)
Dont know what the hell he is teaching in class, make everyone in his class blur abt the math formula. he made a mistake by telling us the arc length of the circle is the radius. Hahaha...

-Mdm Lee Yee Peng (form teacher of sec 4 05 1997, north view sec)
A very delicated teacher, dotes me alot but also like to suan me when i dont perform up to standard in my maths. Still remember she leaving a remark in my excercise book "why is your answer same as Ailynn?" when i lent ailynn my book to copy. hahaha...

-Mdm Goh (Head of mother tougue dept, north view sec)
dotes me alot during her chinese lesson. always ask me is her teaching too slow for me. Mdm Goh, u are the best chinese teacher. Thank you for teaching me alot of things whatever is related to chinese and are not found within the textbook.

-Mrs Ruby Wee (art teacher of sec 3 05 1996 and 4 05 1997, north view sec)
she was shock when she found out that as art students we know nuts about art. And she taught us from the begining which what sec 1 suppose to know (which is recognising colours).

-Ms Mercy Raj (history teacher of sec 5 03 1998, north view sec)
She hate sunlight alot. During her lesson, we all have to close all the window because she said the sunlight is hurting her eyes. And oh yah she like to hit the table with the broom and threaten to hit us with that whenever we make too much noise.

-Mr Chua (Art teacher of sec 5 03 1998, North view sec)
Always tot that Picaso is a still life artise, and claim that our still life drawing sucks cos because we dont draw like Picaso. Mr Chua, Picaso drew abstrac art not still life ok?!

-Mr Cedric Chew (form teacher / physics teacher of sec 5 03 1998 north view sec)
Another very delicated teacher. He doesnt need to use the textbook to teach us. Always have his way to make the whole class to be attentive. Dont know what power he to make the whole class to pass his subject.

those teachers who taught me before but not in the above list.. very sorry to say that this is so much I can recall. hahaha...

WTF

What am i doing online at this hour? well, I cant get to sleep. not because i have insomia, not because i sleep too much during the day, but instead i am disappointed with what i had done.Gaby told the-girl-who-took-that-kns-intimate-photo-with-him bought him a Swarovski necklace, and he accept it. he even told me that the girl wear it for him. Damn it, he accept her gift and even let her wear it for him, me send gift have to send by singpost, some more he still can ask me can her get the courier to return it back to me if not he want to pay me back.

F*** u gaby, her money then is money is it? my money smelly is it? my gift u say too expensive u cannot accept. Pls loh her necklace is more expensive and u can accept it.Gaby, i send u gift not because i want anything from u. i just want u to be happy thats all. u can dont like me but pls dont insult me with such things. I have enough Gaby...

I hate her... because of her i feel insulted. I tot u be touched by what i have done but no loh. U still reject my gift. Actually when i get you this gift i already expected this will happened just that i hope what i expect wont happened. But too bad it still happened.

Thanks for everything u have done, especially when we at "hazel fairy tale"

I didnt get myself drank...

Last night had a long chat with Gaby. i have not been hearing his voice for quite sometime already. I dont know why he have not been calling me, but he told me because he having bad cough so he never call. I miss his voice so much. and finally last night he called. Did he call because i sent him a gift? if that is the case i rather he dont call me. I dont like to do things for the sake of doing it neither do i like people to do things to me for the sake of doing it.

Last night went drinking at this dont know what pub. A very small pub. The drinking session was organise by CK and Vanguard Logistics boss. They book the whole pub for the whole night. Everyone drink alot including me, some of them even drank. I cant say I am a good drinker but at least I didnt get myself drank last night. I dont really like those vanguard girl, they claim themselves as CS but they are not socialise at all.

no more surprise

Last night, i told him he will be expecting a parcel form me. he keep asking me what i send him. I cant tell him if not no surprise and it defect the purpose also. he told he wont accept, i was so disappointed. my heart nearly drop to my feet. he keep asking me till this morning then i tell him what i send. haiz.. i told is because i scare he angry and ignore me. i have no choice.

Tonight going drinking with CK Goh and the rest together with Vanguard people.

Gaby's Gift

This morning i found a chance to ask gaby what he want for his bird day. he said dont know. expected answer. not that he dont know what he want just that he dont want me to know.

Then he topic shift to the-girl-who-took-that-kns-intimate-photo-with-him. He say the girl want to get him a hp line. And the best part is, he accepted her help. shit, she can get u a line i also can mah. why didnt he say earlier? i didnt offer my help is because i know he will reject my offer one loh, not that i never tot of helping him loh. So immediately i offer my help, asking him to use mine instead of her. But he decline my offer. haiz... expected. I flared up again. I told him off, other people help him can, i help him cannot. Shit!!! She is his customer mah. Me leh?? just a nobody to him. What to do?

After that we talk about hp. Oh yes, here come my chance le i tot. I will get him a hp and i did. I get him a Samsung D510. How good the phone is i dont know but it has alot of functions. It has MP3 player, Video recording, voice recording, camera and even blue enable. WOW!!! so many functions. I dont even use a phone with so much functions. And I got the for phone for $98 only of course must sign contract loh. ok so i bought the phone for $98 plus a new two years contract. Then i go to Singpost to send it out to his office by speed post. Everybody reading this must be thinking y do i have to send out by speedpost right? well not i bo sim loh, just that i know Gaby very well, if i give him personally, he will for sure wont accept de.I know him very well. Another reason is i want him to receive it on friday, because saturday and sunday no delivery and monday is his off day. If he dont receive by friday then it will be too late le. monday is his off day and he just got his pay, he sure go with the-girl-who-took-that-kns-intimate-photo-with-him to get a new phone then my efford will be all wasted. This also explain y i didnt bring the phone back home to upload his little girl's photo into the phone, if not he will be even more surprise.

Now, should i tell him i send something to him?

What he want for birthday??

For weeks i have been thinking what to get for Gaby's birthday. Although his birthday is at October, but in order to get him a decent gift i have to start saving up. I am still thinking, thinking of what to get for him. I still cant find any clue, i think i will catch him online tomorrow and ask him what he like to have for birthday.

Yes i will ask him tomorrow.

Yeah, i know who is that girl le. Gaby said she is one of the customer. she bought the packsge just to have a shoot with. $3288 just to take photo with gaby? omg... rich women..

just now ask me go inside game say want to part me then end up throw me there let mobs kill me. he only left a msg say he got things to do. so urgent meh? cannot wait for me to come back meh?? what thing so impt?? then i keep msn him he dont want to reply me. what the hell he doing? so secreative meh? y cannot tell me?

Who are u hugging??

just now i saw a photo in gaby msn, a very intimate position with a girl. Who is that girl? i try asking him, but he didnt answer me. could it be his newly found gf?

New Job

I quite from KWE, today my first day at Dimerco...

My back is hurting

My life at KWE sucks. I dont feel like going to work everyday. arhh.... i been at KWE almost a month, and my back hurt that long. I hurt my back for carrying too much heavy things. The pain is getting from bad to worst. these two days, i cant even turn my body while sleeping and morning i cant get out of my bed.

Poor Me..

Left with only one hundred dollar in my bank, still have one more weeks till pay day. Have not been taking salary since december last year after I left Alpha Shipping. This hundred is what i left after six months of "self-employed". Its really self employed, I do work but no salary, its my own company, whatever the incoming, i put under the company, i never take a single cent. I have living on my own saving. Sound miserable right?? I dont know how i live thru that six months, i really dont know, days just pass like that.

why do i lied??

Last night i told gaby the truth, today he stop calling me during his smoke break, he even have reduce his sms to me. I really hurt him this time.

I dont mean to lied to u gaby, i am sorry that i had hurt you. Pls forgive me ok? I lied to you because i have been cheated before by online friends, i told myself not to get too close to people i known online.

Gaby, I am sorry for hurting and lying to u. I dont mean it gaby. U fixed my broken heart but i broke your. Sorry...

I Hurt Him

I have hurt him....
its 4.30 am and i cant get to sleep.

After two months of living in my dreamland, I decided to tell him the truth. What actually made me to tell him the truth was that he been asking me to meet him but i couldnt meet him because i have been hiding something from him. Yesterday, he told me that he will forgive me if i have lied to him. He will accept it. today, i finally have the guts to tell him all the truth. i finally not longer need to hide. But i lost him. I have lost him. He say he will never forgive me, he say i have hurt him, he say he never lied to me before why must i lied to him. I dont know what to tell him and how to tell him. because he will never understand what i am going thru all these years.

Back to Working force

After almost two months of "resting", finally, i am back to the work force.

Hello everyone, have u all been wondering where have i been and how am i? Not to worried, I am fine and alive. I am sorry for the past two months if i didnt answer your call or reply your sms. Because I am not in a good mood. I been very down and depressed this period of time.

Resting is a better word to use i guess. I have not been doing anything, everyday, I only eat, sleep and play game. I dont have mood to work, neither do i have any mood to do anything ever since i close the company. And thanks Gaby, thanks for companying me thru these two months of darkness, thanks for companying for doing nothing but only play game. From the bottom of my heart, really thank you for brightening up my days.

Finally, today i start work. Today is my first day of work in KWE. Wish me all the best guys.

I mark a history today

10th April 2006. Today is a remarkable day. Creative Shipping as of today will be a history. I close the company. Yes I declare, I am no longer a boss.

After 2 months of struggle, I finally decided to close down Creative Shipping. I disown my baby. Creative Shipping is my hardwork. I start everything from zero. I design the logo, the namecard, the B/L, letterhead. I set up the office, and everything. I watch the company from zero dollar to the very first one thousand dollar we took out to open the bank account to left a few hundreds after paying the rental to afew thousands dollar left in the bank today.

I have to work in the day when Creative started up and at night i still have to manage Creative. I fall asleep in front of my laptop because i am too tired from the work.

After so much of hard work, today i have to close the company down. Its hurting, its like killing my own baby..

Friends

Have anyone ever really go and count how many true friends you have in your life?

Frankly speaking, I never really go and count or maybe I hardly have any true friends.

Jacen, came to my office today. We had a very long chat. As usually, I am the one grumbling about what is happening around me. My business is not going smoothly recently. I am in a total bad mood.
This is the second time i met Jacen. Have know him for a few years already, but never meet up with him. there was even a period of time (think about 1.5 years) i stop contacting him. Reason being, that time he was my cousin's teacher. My this wonderful cousin create havoc in school. Jacen and my wonderful cousin nearly ended up in a fight!?! I too pai sei on what is happening and I decided to stop contact Jacen for a while till the storm is over. But who knows times just passes like that, 1.5 years gone.
Only recently then I start to sms him. Well, was kinda glad that he still remember me.

Before, Jacen went off just now, he said something very touching. He said, I can always sms him whenever I need someone to talk to, when I am vexed.

This is enough. Really enough. Nothing else really matter anymore. This is what I call as true friends. Willing to sit by your side to listen to you quietly.

I can't blame anyone but to slap my own face

have not been in good mood for the whole month of Feb and till now still the same, infect it is getting worst.

Firstly, JK start up another company on his own doing the same thing. He promise he wont take away any customers which belong to the current company. But, how to guarantee that wont happen? I dont know, I really dont know what to do. I can only keep my finger cross. I can only pray that this will not happened. But some how or rather, it happened, one by one the customer slowly disappear. JK is giving me all sorts of funny reasons and he is not doing anything about it. Is the customer disappearing has something to do with cohecident? Or JK had plan for it? I really dont know. I hope it is only cohecident.

Secondly, JK want to withdraw his name from the company and c/o his share with me. Because he is planning to to leave singapore and going to indonesia for good. Because someone offer him attractive benefits to work in indonesia. So which mean, he is not doing anything but still want to get a share of the profit loh.

Then, the whole month, JK never bring in any sales. Everyday also not in the office, dont know what the hell he is doing outside. He leave the whole company to me. He expect me to take over everything just like that?? From the begining, I already told i cant handle all alone by myself. He said he will full in charge of the sales. But now, this is what he give me.
The whole month of Feb, the company only earn 1.8k. I still have to pay rental, still have bill to settle. JK want to share the profit, but for the whole month he is not doing anything for the company. NVM, I keep quiet, I didnt say anything as he has all the right to split the profit. So this month, I only draw 700 as salary. How to survive?? I have my own financial commitment too. Then what abt march? March how? one week had pass march, and I only close two deal up to now. I dont know how to carry like this.

I came to relise, I depend too much on JK in term of work. Now JK left me alone to face the music myself. I am confused, I dont know what to do now.

I am tired of thinking so much. I am tired. I feel like crying, but will crying out help?! NO!! it didnt help. I haven't been happy ever since I come out fully on this business. I am crying almost every night quietly. Everyday i am full of worries. I used to everybody kai xin guo, full of nonsenses, full of craps, i brighten up everyone day with my smiles and laughters. Now?? I hardly smile. No one to talk to in the office. I am all alone. Do you all miss my nonsenses?? YES!? I missed my own nonsenses too.

Thinking Day

22nd Feb every year, all the Girl Guides, Girl Scouts, Brownies and also the Boy Scouts celebrate a special day called THINKING DAY.

In 1908 Lord Robert Baden-Powell lit a torch that was destined to carry a message of peace and friendship to millions of boys and girls around the world. The flame began with the first group of Boy Scouts at a rally held in London, England. What the boys could do, girls could do, too, so they formed their own adventurous group -- the Girl Guides. Thus was lighted the fire of friendship, service, learning and fun for children in many lands. Shoulder to shoulder, the youth of the world have since marched on the trail that their beloved founder laid so long ago. Today we celebrate World Thinking Day, the joint birthday of the founder, Lord Baden-Powell, and our former World Chief Guide, Lady Baden-Powell. February 22 will always be a day to think about the international bond established for us all by these two inspired individuals. On this special day we remember:
#1 GS: that in the sisterhood of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts, we have friends in 140 countries of the world.
#2 GS: that we and our sister Girl Scouts and Girl Guides can be a strong force for the peace of the world.
#3 GS: that we are great in number so we must be great in our loyalty to our Guide.
#4 GS: that we owe a debt of love and gratitude to the Founder and World Chief Guide.
#5 GS: that our greatest debt is to our God who inspired our leaders with such a great vision to unite mankind.

And so it is with these thoughts in mind and the sense of undying friendship among ourselves that we unite with those around us to think of those member countries of the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts which are so far from us yet so close in our hearts.

WORLD THINKING DAY SYMBOL

The arrows represent thoughts and actions that should be directed towards members of the World Association on February 22 of each year. The center is the World Trefoil, symbol of the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts.

There is a saying in WGGGSA, once a guide/scout, always a guide/scout. Boys & Girls, no matter which year, which coy u belong to, we must always remember our THREE PROMISE and keep the guiding/scouting light shining.

I need you Dear!!!

I am always by your side supporting you whenever you are down. But, where are you when I am at the darkest point of my life? You left me all by myself in the lonely cold rainy night crying. Do you know ever know that I will need you one day? I guess you will never know. You will never, never know cause I never tell you before that I will need you one day, I only told you I will always by your side whenever you need me.

I never break down in front of you before, never before. All along, for so many years, what you have seen in me are my glamourous, my strongest point, my best. I never show you a single sight of my weakness. Not any more, not anymore I am going to hold back my tears, my fear, my loneliness. I am at the verge of getting into a depression. Every night I weep silently into my pillow. I yarn for you loudly in my dream every night. I wake up every morning with my pillow wet, my eyes swollen but you still nowhere in sight. You left me all alone in the dark rainy cold night. As I walk alone in the cold rain, my mind drifted away to the past, to what we used to share. How I wish you were here with me, walking thru this lonely yet cold night, whispering in my ear, telling me, telling me everything going to be alright, the rain will be over soon but instead, you left me all alone by myself, all alone by myself walking in the cold rain.

Will you appear in front of me if I am to tell you I need you now? Will you?

I am shouting to the whole world now, telling everyone, telling everyone that I need you.

Can you hear me? Can you hear me saying I need you? I really need you now, I need you to be by my side. I need you, I need you to hold me. I need you, I need you to hold me tight. I need you to dry my tears, I need you to tell me tomorrow will be better, I need you to tell me you will always by my side just like what i had always been doing to you if tomorrow not going to be any better. I need you to be my pillow, just like the one on my bed. I need your shoulder for me to cry on. I need so much so much from you. Can you hear me?

No. You didn't hear me, you didn't. If you have heard it, why don't you appearing in front of me. Why are you still letting me walking in the cold rain all by myself?

I need you to bring me out of this cold rainy night....

没有情人的情人节

Afternoon when back from lunch, saw a boquet of flower at the reception table. Then owner of my office suddenly say "somebody send for you" huh?? I was shocked.. flower for me? who will that be? i also dont know. The sender never leave his name. He or maybe she signed off as "love you always, Happy Valentine Day."
Could it be "him" who send me the flower? Very unlikely, "he" not those that will send flower to girl. then who else? Nvm lah, got people give flower then take loh.

Valentine day.... where is my Valantine? wondering what "he" is doing, where is "he", does "he" think of me as how i think of "him"? Tons of questions keep hitting my head. But as usual, i dont have a single answer to it.

Haiz...

没有情人的情人节....

Si Bei Buay Zhi Dong....

This is how ugly Singaporeans are. For some reasons, I came to office by train this morning. The commuters in the train are like the sadine in the can. Its so pack and everyone is squeezing one another. But this auntie, in the picture act like she own the train or some big shots from don't know where, was leaning against the hand rail with both her legs streach out which make her one and a half or two person place. I accidentally step on her foot and to my surprise, she has no reaction at all. Win already loh... She like that lean against the pole then other people don't need to use liao loh.
wah lao ay... si bei buay zhi dong.... Why she cannot stand straight for just 30 - 45 min. leh? When she reach office then she can sit, lean or lie down till she happy already loh why she have to lean onto the pole in the train.

Just another boring day

Started the day quite boring. Nothing much to do in office. Then suddenly 4 plus afternoon Tracy sms me ask me want to have dinner together. I of coz agree lah, so long never see her liao. Eversince I left Alpha Shipping. So many months never see so kind of miss her. She is my best friend when i was working at Alpha Shipping. Actually beside me, she is the only girl there, definately we very the good one loh.
Then 6 plus met Tracy at City Hall MRT station.
She is my best friend when i was working at Alpha Shipping.
We went to Suntec for dinner at N.Y.D.C. before that we pass by G2000, immediatly i think of Mingjie, cause he made a big joke at this RafflesCity G2000 out while he was buying pants somewhere in Dec last year. (opps... hope he dont see this, if not he sure kill me for pubishing his joke out.)

I regret knowing you

I regreted knowing you. I really regreted....
U made me trust you so much and yet u took away my trust in you.
You never do anything but only blambe me for the wrongs.
I dont feel sercure whenever you are around, cause i dont know what tricks u will come up with.
I trusted you so much and yet u did all this to me. You have change, you have change to someone whom i totally dont know at all. Perharps, I never know u well enough before i made my decisions. I deserve it.

Whatever done cant be undone. I can only pray and hope for the best.

Hangover...

Blogging in the office now. Hahahaha.... No mood to work or rather cannot get my head to start thinking. Me having hangover la.

My boss, Lawrence, arranged a gathering for the whole company and our sister company. Everyone was there, everyone drink alot thats include me. I drank till as if there is no tomorrow. At first i didnt want to drank, I pretend i dont know how to drink. But was force by the boss, he if I dont drink means I dont give face. So he pour one glass for me, then second glass, then another glass. Again and again the whole night...

You are still what u are

Beep... Beep... with my eyes half open, I was searching for my handphone. Was still thinking who will message me 1oam on sunday. Open up the message it reads like this "sorry i left the handphone in the car last night and play mahjung with my buddies all night. just reach hotel, going to bath and sleep and see your message only now thats why didnt reply u."
Oh my gosh! nearly freak out again. He went to play mahjung the whole night. Wah lau ay... he never change one leh, so many years also like that. At night, i message him again, asking was he awake. No reply again....

YES! I met him!

Morning bought grandma to hospital for routine check up. On my way home, Ken message me asking am I working today. I told him "no, i bring grandma to see doctor". He then say never mind. Then we continue on our yesterday topic about the guy name TONY (my dont know what partner) and we also talk about me waiting for him. He keep saying he is not as good as what I think, but to me he is the perfect guy. We sms till i fall asleep. When I woke up, I saw 3 massages from him. One of it was asking what am I doing and where am I. Yesterday I kept pestering him for a meeting up, he refused. He said no time, then he said he will try and arrange. So back to our sms-es... Does he mean he want to to meet me? I think so, cause he said he tot i am still at my grandma place and he want to pick me up. He dont have the chance, cause i am already home since morning when he first sms me. Then I pester him to meet again. Yeah!he finally agree. But go where? In the end, we decided, he come to my house to chit chat. Actually he didnt want to come in the first place, think he pai seh. But i convince him. But he told me he will only stay a while.

At 6.30 pm , he reach my place, I was waiting for him at the void deck. This is only the second time I met Ken. There isn't any words to describe about my feeling. I have long for it and yet I want to escape from it. Cause I dont know what to say when i see him. I brought him up and into my room. He was sitting on floor while I was lying on my bed and we chat about general staff, very general ones. Guess both of us have questions to ask, but did not have the the courage to do so. Both of us kept quiet for a while. He break the silent, asking me whether am i afraid of being tickle or not. I told him yes, but before i could finish, he start to tickle me. I push him hand away, he then told me he went to look for a laptop and also went to hereen to shop for CDs. I immediately ask was he alone or with someone. He said alone. First thing I thought of was this morning sms when he ask me am i working or not. Was he hinting me to company him? Why didnt he tell me if he need my company? Why didnt I tell him I am free to go out? Why? Why? If not will have more time together.

Back from my daze, I realise Ken was holding my hand. I did not withdraw, instead, I tighten up the gap. Then suddenly Ken ask me whether my tv got teletext or not, he want to see 4D result. OMG, I nearly faint. Two years never come back he still never kick his habit.Come back only then buy 4D already, no wonder afternoon he ask me my i/c number. After the 4D thing, we keep quiet again. I look at him, look into his eys, he then use his hand to caress my face, smiling at me and say "dear dear, lai bao bao" I immediately reach out my hand for him like a little baby. He immediately hug me tightly and also kiss me on my foreheadand his lips paulse there for dont know how many seconds. It was a deep kiss, I never going to forget this kiss. Then slowly we french. I dont know how to react. I was melt, melt in Ken's embrance. He touch me all over. I was so engross, till I think I heard him saying "dear, wo yao"I dont know did I heard wrongly or not. I was too engross then. He start taking off my bra, then suck my breast, fondle them, then his hand start to go into my shorts. But... I am having my period so he cant do anything. Was it lucky or not i dont know. If not because of my period, we might end up having sex, or maybe not. Maybe he wont do it, maybe he find me dirty cause i no longer that pure innocent virgin he used to know. When he withdraw, I wanted so much to pamper him by giving him a good blow. I didnt do it, he get up telling me he is rushing off to meet his army buddies. I was so disappointed. I put on my bra quietly, then send him off to the door. We parted with a french kiss. Looking at the wall clock, It was 8.30 pm.

About an hour later, I message him apologising to him that hoping he dont find me bored.

He didnt reply....

confirm its him

Finally, after so much of asking, he admitted he is Ken. He ran away from home two years ago and work in USA. These few days he come back is to clear off his bankruptcy. Two years ago when he disappeared, I had a strong feeling that he declared bankruptcy.I dont know why whenever something happened to Ken, I will sure have a very strong feeling.

Dont know what to write. I am very confused. Ken ask me to wait for him for two years for his return from USA. I told him i will wait. But....

Should I really wait for him? What if I waited but he dont return, or he return but he has somebody else or he dont want me anymore? How?? What should i do? can anyone tell me?

Ken was very angry when i told him about what between me and Tony. He angry that tony cheated my feelings. He told me he heart pain for me. I was so happy to hear that. For so many years, he never tell me about his feeling before.

Ken actually mistaken that i loved tony alot. But no, I dont love tony. maybe i do have feeling in him but i never loved tony. I only treat him as a replacement, someone to stand in the lonely space when Ken is not around. But i dont know why i dont bother to explain to Ken why tony come into my life. maybe i dont find it necessary to explain to him after all he ask me to stay away from him because of his ex-gf. Maybe I am still angry with Ken about this matter even though its already two years. Maybe if he tell me how importance am i to him and i will explain. Maybe it no longer importance to both of us anymore.

Sms from an unknow number

I am very happy today, but at the same time angry also. I got a sms from a strange number asking how am i getting on. The first instint I saw the Msg, I felt very strongly it is Ken. I know its him. Ken is the only one that has a very unique way of creating sms. I keep on asking but he denied. I keep telling how much i missed him all this while. Ken only repliedme a sentance which is very hurting. He said " the person that u missed dont even give a damn care about it" How true the words are i dont know. If he dont give a damn care then why he want to find out how am i getting on? I really wonder...

There is no outcome after sms-ing since afternoon till now. He still denied. Nothing I can do also.

Someone Special

Will anybody remember somebody for life? Well, I have one. Maybe, for the time being, maybe till today I still cant forget him. Who is this HIM? He is nobody other than Ken, a guy that i only know his name is Ken and his date of birth. Other than that, i know nuts about this person. But yet he is someone who changes my life. I love him before. Now?? I dont know about now. I have a strange feeling about him. I do still miss him and think about him whenever i am alone. Have lost contact with him since 2003 july. Out of sudden he change his number (the only way i able to get him) owning me some money(how much? I have lost count) and he just disappear like that. Nothing can explain the kind of pain in my heart. To me he is a very respondsiable guy but why is he doing this to me. No matter what he did, I never blame him at all. I only want him to contact me back. I only want to know how is he getting on.Thats all i want from him. Yes I got to admit i was angry with him when he told me not to contact him till further notice. Reason being, his ex-gf mistaken i am his new gf.... Does this show she is more importance than me? I dont have the guts to know the answer. Maybe I am tired of wanting to know how importance am i to him.

One and half year has gone, and i am still here waiting for his return. I am still wait for his "further notice" of when i can contact him again. Will he ever return to me again? I guess i will never know unless i continue to wait for the day to come.